Stupid Test
by madampeach
Summary: Wufei has to go through a psych review as part of new regulations. Turns out he's perfectly sane and normal. So why is he so upset? And why is Maxwell being so quiet? ..Warnings: language..
1. Chapter 1

**Stupid Test Doesn't Mean a Thing**

**Chapter 1. A New Regulation**

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is property of its creators, of which I am not one. No profit is being made.

"Chang, Wufei?" the young-ish man in tweed tentatively enquired from the doorway.

Wufei raised his eyes to him, vexation at being disturbed by some new agent he did not know etched across his brows. He raised one at the nervously shifting young man and tapped the end of his pen on the papers sprawled across his desk, waiting.

Wufei's name was clearly printed across his door in bold gold letters; why this fool needed confirmation of his identity was beyond him. And why he was standing there and not getting to the point was starting to irritate Wufei more than being disturbed in his work was.

"Yes?" Wufei finally hissed.

The tweed clad agent nearly jumped out of his skin. "I am the psychologist newly employed by the department," the young man began. Perhaps he had thought that this introduction would be enough.

When it became clear, by Wufei's unwavering glare, that it wouldn't matter if he were the new acting director of the Preventers the young man continued, "I'm having sessions with field agents as part of the new Preventer regulations passed just last week."

Wufei's glare intensified at the word.

'Sessions'!?

"If you could," the young man stuttered and cleared his dry throat, "If you could, Mr Chang, I'd like to meet with you now. Her Ladyship was very adamant that I interview special agents, like yourself, a.s.a.p."

"There was a memo about this," the shrink added as an after thought.

Wufei's glare continued to penetrate him for a moment longer before Wufei dropped his pen on his paperwork and his hand riffled though stacks and stacks of papers in the in/out boxes on his desk. Wufei averted his gaze for a moment until he pulled out the offending piece of paper, one marked 'Memo: Field agents assigned to reviews with psychologist starting Monday.'

Wufei quickly scanned the document then turned his eyes back to the psychologist. A frustrated growl was lodged in his throat but he fought it back.

"My office is just this way, Mr Chang" the man motioned, his hand shaking slightly.

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A/N: Kukuku X3 evil am I. Poor Wufei :D!!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2. Inkblots of asymmetry**

The dragon seethed and hissed as he stormed into the break room, slamming the door behind him. The room was a quiet, lushly carpeted lounge where higher-up agents, like himself and the other ex-pilots, came to recline on the plush couches to relax. Currently, the room's most dedicated occupant, none other than Duo Maxwell, was sitting on one of the well worn-in seats with his feet up on the mahogany table and his black cap tilted over his eyes.

Duo did not abandon his favourite hobby of snoozing at Wufei's loud and violent entry but did tilt his head slightly in the dragon's direction.

Wufei cursed under his breath in Mandarin then, still seething and hissing, plopped down in the easy chair opposite Duo.

Idiot psychologists and their pointless, bothersome tests – completely wasting an hour that could have been spent completing one's work or poking one's eye out with a dull rusty object. Wufei glowered at the innocent pieces of paper in his hand. _For your records_, the psychologist had said as he had handed over the stack of photocopied results from Wufei's 'session'. He knew nothing, the psychologist – nothing at all.

Inkblot tests, surveys and multiple-choice questionnaires one after the other – all to build a 'personality profile' of him and eventually of every goddamn agent in the whole organization.

Wufei glared at one particular questionnaire page, anger warred with worry in the obsidian depths of his eyes. They meant nothing, these tests – or so he told himself.

"What's got you all pensive, FeiFei?" a quiet voice broke through Wufei's muddled brain.

The dragon started from the pages he was staring at. Duo hadn't shifted from his reclined position; even his head was still tilted down with the cap covering his eyes. But he wasn't as asleep as he appeared.

For a moment Wufei wondered if of all people Maxwell should be one he shared this with. But he sighed and leaned forward in his chair, massaging his temples.

"It's this policy about all agents going through psych reviews," he huffed out.

"So?" Maxwell quietly drawled.

"_So!?_" And to think, he'd trusted the insolent menace this one time. But Wufei was too ticked-off right now to restrain himself in any way. "So, they're using us as guinea pigs for proving their false, meaningless tests are not ridiculous and faulty. But they are – and they're a complete and utter waste of time, too," Wufei fumed.

"You think they're all junk?" Duo enquired quietly.

Wufei may have become more incensed by Maxwell's uncharacteristically quiet tone, or maybe he was just frustrated with himself. He didn't know how to explain the answers he had given to some of those innocent seeming questions.

"The inkblot, for example. It is undisputable that those things are bogus," Wufei argued. It's what he did when he needed to distract himself from his thoughts, which is why Wufei argued on quite a regular basis.

"Mmhmm," Maxwell seemed to agree.

Wufei tried to ignore Maxwell's seeming placidity. "I _may_ have made up a few things here and there during that test," Wufei confessed, "like seeing Yuy's left toe in a blot that looked undeniably like a bat."

Duo chuckled from under his hat. Wufei couldn't help that the side of his lips quirked up. Yes, arguing – or ranting – always made him feel better. Maybe that's why he had come to the lounge right after that damned session. He knew Duo would be here. The braided menace could always be found snoring or playing on his hand held videogames here instead of being in his office, working.

"They all look like bats," Wufei snorted. Practically every single one Wufei had looked at resembled a bat. Except a few. One looked like two Duo Maxwell's back-to-back, with swinging braid and all.

"I also insisted I could see Barton's face in another one," Wufei grinned.

"…"

Both boys broke out laughing.

Inkblots are made with splatters of ink on a board, which is then folded. As such, they are always symmetrical since the fold causes the ink to smear evenly on either side. Anyone even remotely familiar with Barton's uni-bang would realize the humour in claiming to see that unsymmetricaly hairstyled head in a perfectly symmetrical blot of ink.

Once he started laughing, Wufei couldn't seem to stop. He just kept laughing till his sides hurt. Truthfully, he was a little hysterical but he couldn't help it. It came down to either laughing like a madman on an oxygen high or smashing everything in sight as his only other option for release. Since Duo was laughing with just as much vigour, Wufei figured it was ok to let go like this.

_With Duo Maxwell of all people_ …

Wufei's laughing slowed until he felt remotely sane again. Duo's was mellowing to a chuckle now, too.

Wufei went to wipe at the tears in his eyes when he became aware of the papers he was still clutching. His mood immediately turned sombre and he sighed.

"You're walking in the forest, Maxwell," he quietly said. "Who's there with you?"

"What?" Maxwell abruptly stopped.

"It's this stupid questionnaire," Wufei growled, frustrated. "Nevermind," he huffed.

"No," Duo coughed and quickly clutched his hat over his eyes. He leaned back as casual as if nothing had happened and he was going back to napping. But he wasn't. "No, Wu, tell me about it."

Wufei didn't take much notice of Duo's odd quietness – he tried not to. He became engulfed in the simple, unassuming set of questions he was looking at. He finally made a decision.

"Well, its –" he started but paused, brows furrowing. "Maybe I shouldn't be telling you about this." Wufei's scholarary side was knocking at his consciousness. "You're going to have a session with the psych, too. It would skew your results if you know the questions beforehand," he mused.

But he didn't get far with his musings since Duo waved a dismissive hand at him.

"Nah, Wu, don't worry 'bout it," the braided agent reassured. "Trust me."

Wufei was doubtful but the confident cheery tone and relaxed pose easily changed his mind.

"It's this stupid questionnaire," he repeated and slipped a piece of paper across the wooden table surface.

It stopped at Duo's feet.

Why was he spewing all this to Maxwell?


	3. Chapter 3

**3. The questionnaire**

[**NOTE: Finally!! the much awaited quiz itself! If you want to do the personality portfolio questionnaire I will provide the answers (or more accurately – the meaning to _your_ answers) in upcoming chapters. Just read each question and write down or memorize the first answer that comes to mind. Don't look ahead. Don't bother changing your answer. Just trust it, go with it and see where it gets you. There is no point to this if you just fabricate the answers that you want.]

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You are walking in the forest, who is there with you?

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You come across an animal, what is it?

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What happens next between you and the animal?

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You walk further and come across your absolutely ideal home, what does it look like?

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What type of fence is around it?

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You walk inside and there is a table, what is on /around the table?

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You walk into the backyard and find a cup on the ground, what is it made of?

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What do you do with it?

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In the backyard there is some form of water, what is it?

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_[End of test/questionnaire]_


	4. Chapter 4

**4. Walking in the Forest**

Wufei tried to be inconspicuous about his nerves while Duo calmly and silently read the first question on the sheet. But really his nerves were eating him raw. It didn't mean anything, this stupid test – quiz – questionnaire – whatever it was. It didn't mean anything.

Right?

Wufei was biting on his finger – Change Wufei never indulged in such weak nervous habits but in this instance the action was entirely subconscious – when Duo lowered the piece of paper.

"'You are walking in the forest'," Duo read.

Wufei snorted – shifted – looked at the far corner of the room. Basically, he did anything that would allow him to avoid looking at Maxwell and more importantly avoid showing that this was bothering him – this question.

"Who's there with you?" Duo asked gently. So gently, in fact, that it caught the dragon off guard.

Wufei whipped his eyes away from the ceiling tiles to Maxwell's capped head with a questioning exclamation.

"Who's there with you? It's on the paper," Duo clarified with a wave of the mentioned paper.

Wufei pulled on his ponytail – another subconscious gesture. Then he chuckled – a wary and self-conscious chuckle.

"Ah … well, everyone … I suppose," he answered with a shrug, not looking at Duo. "Friends. My ancestors. Even Meiran." Wufei's brows furrowed as his gaze drew inward.

"Not that I specifically saw every single person." A half truth and Wufei knew it.

"The doc – psych – had me visualize everything," he explained. "But I knew – could feel – that everyone was there."

"Everyone?" Duo said, searching for something.

Wufei suddenly felt like he was in the interrogation room – like the person in front of him was seeing right through his denial. Or maybe Maxwell couldn't at all. Maybe Wufei's mind was just trying to force him to come to grips with something – the very reason he was angry and annoyed.

"Yeah, everyone," Wufei huffed. "You know … Yuy, Barton and Winner. Po, Marquise, Une – "

"I'd'a said you," Duo cut in.

For thirty seconds on the clock a world of silence passed in the plush, comfy lounge. Tick-tock went the electric timepiece while Wufei stared with a lax jaw at Duo, whose eyes were still covered by that damned black cap, pose still reclined and relaxed.

Wufei didn't know what to do. He couldn't even blink. The honest words just slipped from his lips – like grains of sand slipping between his fingers.

"I saw your braid." Wufei couldn't believe himself. "You were the only one I actually saw."

Without another word he got up and ran out of the room.

--

--

The shock wore off as soon as the door slammed after Wufei. Duo instantly stopped pretending and jumped forward, grabbing the stack of papers Wufei had left behind.

Riffling through them he found the right sheet and carelessly discarded the rest. His eyes were glued to the page and scanning for the one question that mattered now. He stopped at the third to last question.

The paper fell from his lax grip.

"Porcelain?" he asked the empty room.

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A/N: THANK YOU guys for any and all forms of feedback!! ^_^ xoxo  
p.s. I promise, the answers are not far away! They'll be posted soon!


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